Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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