Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were destined to go to rehab together
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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