he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
