I think I won the penis lottery.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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