I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
