was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
