I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
