is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
