You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
