We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
