cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
