Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize