If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
