What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.