It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?