you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.