Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
i think my cat just said my name.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..