You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..