i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON