update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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