watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
