i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
