Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
