k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
