That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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