What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
