You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
