So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
