I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your penis caused this!
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