i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
