I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
