ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
