Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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