I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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