You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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