She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
