I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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