you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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