Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
