dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
do nipples grow back?
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