my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
