hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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