The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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