she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
