this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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