i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
