i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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