12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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