I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
