he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
