Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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