aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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