You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
