I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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