What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
