checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize