Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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