Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
