why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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