I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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