Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
