Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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