Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
