you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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